Last night I was able to attend a home school conference and used book sale. This is the first time I have been to a conference since we started this whole adventure almost two years ago. I have been doing a lot of thinking as it is the time to sell old resources and curriculum helps. It is time to choose new things and order them and it is time to discuss with everybody else what their year was like. New home school moms are seeking any advice they can get as they begin the search for their perfect home schooling tools and old home school moms are evaluating and reevaluating their entire previous year. I have been doing a lot of thinking.
This past year has been can we say a, well, less than stellar year, to put it mildly. Yes, the work is done. There is a huge stack of finished papers in my class room to prove it! But, have you noticed that, on a whole, there haven't been the pictures of our home schooling like there were last year. It has been a tough one and if I could give it two words they would be, "Do over". I just need a "do over". I remember the first time I ever felt this way but I was teaching in Texas my third year as the fourth grade teacher in a private school. I had just returned from my maternity leave that fell at the beginning of the year, seeing as how Andrew was born in August. After returning to the classroom, six weeks into their year, it was HARD. Those kids were never mine that year. We never had that bond that occurs in the classroom and it was the hardest year ever as I grasped at straws to figure out what I could do differently. My biggest obstacle that year (and the root of everything) was that I had a baby at home that I desperately wanted to be with! My mind was never fully in school because my heart wanted to be with him! It was a tough year that ended in me going part time the next year and then eventually coming home. My mind was just in other places and I needed a "Do Over".
Like that year, I have had some very life changing things occur this school year that have, can we say, maxed out my brain. Things beyond our control but things that have definitely left me in a tail spin at times. My mind has been in a million places and although I have grasped at straws, sometimes I have felt as if I have done more damage than good in my home school classroom. The challenges have been big this year and I think that I have been in survival mode. What I realized last night is that I am not alone. We all go through these times and I am so thankful for my many friends who have been their all school year long to love and encourage me through this very different time in my life. I am also so very thankful for my husband who lives it with me, what a joy to ride the tides of life with him, even when the waves slam into the shore at times, we continue to come up spewing water, soaked to the bone, but still holding hands.
What I am so very thankful for is my children. They love me and they love home schooling. They think I am the best teacher ever, even when I know I am the worst. They still want to play with me and want me to see all they create and do even after I have been the Wicked Witch of the West! The biggest thing I heard loud and clear last night at the conference was this: My relationship with my children is more important than what I teach them in school. That does not mean we are just gonna sit around here and HUG! But sometime, math becomes the end-all priority of my life. I must make them understand the concepts-For crying out loud, they are gonna need to know this for the rest of their lives! Puh-lease! That is way to much pressu1re on myself and believe me, I have been putting that kind of pressure on myself for a year now, and that kind of pressure does affect my relationship with my children. For the first time, last night, I heard someone say, "Stop that! That kind of pressure is ridiculous!" This is about life, not about 8X8=64. How freeing.
If you know me, you know I am a crazy woman! My epiphanies are usually small and fundamental things; never anything really deep and profound for sure. I am sad it has taken me until May to really get my brain on about some things but at least it happened, right? I am going to have a great summer with my kids, enjoying them, pressure free. Hopefully, I have learned a few lessons and the kids have too, but hopefully we are deepening relationships to last a lifetime. And ultimately, it is my prayer that we are all deepening our relationship with Christ. May my children see their mother being refined and molded by her Savior, receiving His forgiveness and His mercy, and His grace. In all my inconsistencies and faults, may they somehow, like only God can do, see Jesus. Because that is what it's really about. That's real.
This past year has been can we say a, well, less than stellar year, to put it mildly. Yes, the work is done. There is a huge stack of finished papers in my class room to prove it! But, have you noticed that, on a whole, there haven't been the pictures of our home schooling like there were last year. It has been a tough one and if I could give it two words they would be, "Do over". I just need a "do over". I remember the first time I ever felt this way but I was teaching in Texas my third year as the fourth grade teacher in a private school. I had just returned from my maternity leave that fell at the beginning of the year, seeing as how Andrew was born in August. After returning to the classroom, six weeks into their year, it was HARD. Those kids were never mine that year. We never had that bond that occurs in the classroom and it was the hardest year ever as I grasped at straws to figure out what I could do differently. My biggest obstacle that year (and the root of everything) was that I had a baby at home that I desperately wanted to be with! My mind was never fully in school because my heart wanted to be with him! It was a tough year that ended in me going part time the next year and then eventually coming home. My mind was just in other places and I needed a "Do Over".
Like that year, I have had some very life changing things occur this school year that have, can we say, maxed out my brain. Things beyond our control but things that have definitely left me in a tail spin at times. My mind has been in a million places and although I have grasped at straws, sometimes I have felt as if I have done more damage than good in my home school classroom. The challenges have been big this year and I think that I have been in survival mode. What I realized last night is that I am not alone. We all go through these times and I am so thankful for my many friends who have been their all school year long to love and encourage me through this very different time in my life. I am also so very thankful for my husband who lives it with me, what a joy to ride the tides of life with him, even when the waves slam into the shore at times, we continue to come up spewing water, soaked to the bone, but still holding hands.
What I am so very thankful for is my children. They love me and they love home schooling. They think I am the best teacher ever, even when I know I am the worst. They still want to play with me and want me to see all they create and do even after I have been the Wicked Witch of the West! The biggest thing I heard loud and clear last night at the conference was this: My relationship with my children is more important than what I teach them in school. That does not mean we are just gonna sit around here and HUG! But sometime, math becomes the end-all priority of my life. I must make them understand the concepts-For crying out loud, they are gonna need to know this for the rest of their lives! Puh-lease! That is way to much pressu1re on myself and believe me, I have been putting that kind of pressure on myself for a year now, and that kind of pressure does affect my relationship with my children. For the first time, last night, I heard someone say, "Stop that! That kind of pressure is ridiculous!" This is about life, not about 8X8=64. How freeing.
If you know me, you know I am a crazy woman! My epiphanies are usually small and fundamental things; never anything really deep and profound for sure. I am sad it has taken me until May to really get my brain on about some things but at least it happened, right? I am going to have a great summer with my kids, enjoying them, pressure free. Hopefully, I have learned a few lessons and the kids have too, but hopefully we are deepening relationships to last a lifetime. And ultimately, it is my prayer that we are all deepening our relationship with Christ. May my children see their mother being refined and molded by her Savior, receiving His forgiveness and His mercy, and His grace. In all my inconsistencies and faults, may they somehow, like only God can do, see Jesus. Because that is what it's really about. That's real.
1 comment:
This is a great post. I love you, Brooke!
What have been the life changing events? Did I miss them on the blog?
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